texts
by seraffs
Summary: 2am texts between mafiosos that ain't dating. nah they ain't (they're totally dating.) r27. also on tumblr under seraffs
1. countdown

when it's like 2 am and you don't have any self control so you write a self-indulgent based on your hcs and probably super fucking ooc fic. Enjoy this legit 20 minute fic my friends.

you can probs figure out which is tsuna and which is reborn.

* * *

[2:14 am]

hey,,,, lol… u up?

 **[2.14 am]**

 **it's like fucking 2 am reborn what do you want**

 **[2:15 am]**

 **WAIT FUCK.**

 **sorry about that, oh god please don't subject me to torture when you come back.**

[seen 2:16 am]

 **[2:16 am]**

 **Oh wow, really.**

 **OH MY GOD, are you planning?**

 **[2:18 am]**

 **wait tho,,,,, you're like across the world infiltrating some shitty famiglia**

 **are you slacking off**

[2:18 am]

dumbass.

hitman's like me don't slack off.

 **[2:18 am]**

 **yeah that explains why you're not focusing on your mission and you're talkin' to me.**

 **YEAH, that's not slacking off.**

 **Totally.**

[2:19 am]

don't fucking use that tone on me.

 **[2:19 am]**

 **what tone? we're ? um? texting?**

 **oh wow are you so old you forgot about that.**

[2:20 am]

this old man can still kick your ass and fuck you up.

both physically and sexually.

 **[2:20 am]**

 **ew.**

[2:20 am]

that's not what you said last week

if I remember right you were repeating and shouting my name all night long

 **[2:21 am]**

 **OKAY, NOW THAT'S JUST LOW.**

[2:22 am]

I know.

 **[2:22 am]**

 **ok though, did you literally just like**

 **interrupted my sleep to make fun of me and to like find an excuse to torture me when you get back**

 **and like**

 **idk maybe EMBARRASS ME**

[2:23 am]

yeah pretty much.

 **[2:23 am]**

 **REBORN. Might I remind you that you're literally in enemy territory.**

 **One false move and you dead?**

 **As much as you put me through pain and the such,**

 **Vongola would suffer if we lose you**

[2:24 am]

Yeah, and you'd suffer because you can't get this bomb ass DICK.

 **[2:24 am]**

 **Oh my god why am I dating you.**

[2:24 am]

Because of this bomb ass DICK

 **[2:24 am]**

 **Oh my god I hate you so much.**

[2:25 am]

Yeah. That's what you say now

But you love me because of this bomb ass DICK.

 **[2:25 am]**

 **I'm at a total loss tbh, I thought the greatest hitman would be so much more than this.**

 **Reborn, I can't believe what I'm readin right now tbh.**

 **I'm goin back to sleep.**

 **Have fun on your mission.**

 **COME HOME SAFE**

 **Night.**

[2:26 am]

Hope you dream about this bomb ass DICK

Also when have I not come home safe and without scratches?

Saving my back for you Tsuna, if I have to be honest.

But yeah, yeah.

Also, get ready for a new World of hell when I get back, Tsuna.

 **[2:27 am]**

 **REBORN ! why, sweetie I thought u loved me**

 **Was it all a lie**

[2:28 am]

Go to sleep.

 **[2:28 am]**

 **Aye, aye.**

 **Wouldn't want angering you further.**

 **Night reborn.**

[2:35 am ][draft]

Dumbass.

I actually am starting to miss you.

* * *

I COULDN'T? sleep? not until I write this shitty text fic apparently everyone's so OOC I'm sorry? This is just really self-indulgent?

tentatively putting on incomplete bc idk if i'll continue or nah. tell me if u want more tho.

night folks.


	2. drunk (in love)

brain: hey eli u probably should like finish yr other fics you know, yr 3shot r27 hs au fic and that shi- i mean titty 8059 wordbuilding and the other self-indulgent 8018 also the other r27 oneshot  
me: text fic.  
brain: oh ok, i guess I'll go fuck myself then

I CHANGED some things to make it easier to like read. you can guess which is which probably.

* * *

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED.]

wassup lil man.

 **[to: useless student]**

 **?**

 **are you drunk tsuna.**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED.]

?

LMMAO the only one drunk is YOUUUUUU

Haha that was a good one self.

 **[to: useless student]**

 **I'm not? I'm not drunk?**

 **Honestly, I go away for a month long mission and you're already getting shit-faced drunk**

 **I don't know if I should be like, _you know_ impressed or just feel bad for you.**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED]

IMPRESSED

def. impressed

idk man i'm too ? out of it to know if yr insulting me or nah

ARE U INSULTING ME REBORN/?

 **[to: useless student]**

 **No, not really. (yeah lowkey)**

 **But where's your guardians?**

 **Tsuna what the fuck did you get shit-faced w/o your guardians?**

 **They're also supposed to protect you from this kind of stuff?**

 ** _Oh my god, I swear to god if I come back home and discover you destroyed a fuck ton of treaties then_**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED.]

! YO CHILL also what the fuck how do you do the italics. What the fuck.

I'm not ? gonna do that lmao im just textin u

U should feel Special. Im not that drunk to do any stupid shit reborn.

little faith pls lmao

im just like onn what my fifth? glass of wine, seventh shot of vodka and ? two glasses of whiskey?

OH YEA I drank like a fuckton of martinis a while ago. stirred not shaken.

 **[to: useless student]**

 **Don't focus on me using italics.**

 **I have faith in you.**

 **Not when you're drunk though.**

 **Anyways, where's you guardians? Didn't answer that Tsuna.**

 **(also you're a fucking lightweight I can't believe.)**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED REPORTED]

OH YEAH right. yeah . theyre here

theyre def here. somewheere around here? they don't know im textin stuff tho so lmao

oh theres hibari? Hi hiibari

hes not payin attn. to me tho, payin attn. to some guy lmao hes so bi?

WHAT THE FU CK im not a lightweight compared to most?

 **[to: useless student]**

 **Yeah but are we most people, Tsuna? Answer that please.**

 **Tsuna.**

 **You're bi.**

 **You literally came out to us like a month ago.**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED]

Oh yeah lmao.

OK FINE. We're not most ppl but like my friend.

It's a long day

It was a long day

CAN YOU BELIEVE

 **[to: useless student]**

 **A boss should be able to handle a long day.**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED.]

IT WAS SO LONG I didn't think it would be over ?

like fuck the capitani famiglia to be honest fuck them.

 **[to: useless student]**

 **You do know what you're saying about them can be incriminating, right?**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED.]

AS IF THEY CNA DFIND THESE MESSAGES AYYYY

theyre only incriminating if theyre found, u taught me that reborn

hows yr mission tho.

 **[to: useless student]**

 **Don't throw my words back at me, dumbass.**

 **But, fairly easy.**

 **Child's Fucking Play.**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED.]

Yr comin home soon right ?

RIGHT?

If it's so easy yr almost goin back home right?

 **[to: useless student]**

 **Heh.**

 **Are you actually missing me Tsuna?**

 **Oh my god I'm taking screenshots of this.**

 **[to: useless student]**

 **Tsuna?**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED]

Oh! Reborn this was you!

It's yamamoto. We just found him.

Well, no hibari found him but only informed us.

But he's sleepin rn. Don't worry abt it.

But he really misses you though? If u wanna know

He often dazes off when youre not here actually. Thought u wanna know

 **[to: useless student]**

 **Huh.**

 **Didn't know that.**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED]

Come back soon Reborn. We don't really want to see our Boss being all mopey and sad because you're not here

 **[to: useless student]**

 **Psh. He should learn to not be dependent on me.**

 **What if I die?**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED]

Yeah, you say that now but youre actually also dependent on tsuna

Remember the time when we thought he died? Everyone was super scared to like approach you because you were so scary?

Don't hide your feelings reborn. You miss him too.

 **[to: useless student]**

 **Anyways,**

 **When the fuck did you get so perceptive Yamamoto.**

[to: BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED]

Always been perceptive : ) no one just noticed.

Have fun on your mission reborn. Come home soon.

(bring some treats pls)

* * *

lmao I just really wanted to write drunk! tsuna sorry folks. OK READ the first shit i uploaded it wasnt easy so here u go guys

well, that's the end of this fic. remember to rate the video, comment the video and subscribe if you want to see videos similar to this one. see ya.


	3. partition

have y'all noticed that i'm naming my chapters on beyonce songs.

changed names but u can probs figure out which is which since u dear reader is super fucking rad and amazing

* * *

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

i-

i'm not even gonna ask how you managed to change my name for you despite you being like across the world on a fucking mission

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **Now, is that any way to talk to the BEST boyfriend in the world?**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

im-

I CANT CHANGE IT WHAT

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **Don't worry about that, Giannini made sure that you can't change it unless I tell him so**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

i'm ? i'm so fucking salty right now, you're not paying giannini ? i'm paying him?

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **I'm scarier than you.**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

don't remind me reborn, please. though, i think no one's scarier than you?

BUT, ok the real question, how'd you know you were saved in my phone as BLOCKED. DELETED. REPORTED.

[ **to useless but cute]**

 **Aww, are you complimenting me? You're making me blush Tsuna! You sure do know how to treat a man! I'm acting like a teenage girl with your words!**

 **I actually did not know about that. Thanks for telling me; I only paid Giannini to change your phone with the BEST boyfriend in the whole world.**

 **Didn't ask anything other than that.**

 **Interesting to be honest.**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

your sarcasm knows no bounds as always.

um-?

I was joking? Ahaha? Take a joke, Reborn.

Aren't you in a mission?

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **Nice try Tsuna.**

 **You only use proper grammar when you're lying.**

 **You should, you know, take some notes from me.**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

DRAT. forgot about that

but? when have you been romantic?

you're name for me is probably useless student or something.

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **I'm romantic? I'm offended you know, I sent you a bunch of flowers that one time.**

 **And like, you're name in my phone's useless but cute, isn't that romantic?**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

WHAT? oh my god reborn. aww, i'm touched!

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **See?**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

LIKE THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN USELESS BUT CUTE?

i'm far from the useless person i was during middle school you know!

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **I know.**

 **You want me to change it?**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

? no, you can keep it just you know, give me like—

put in a word to my underboss, gokudera, and maybe my consigliere to like

you know,

day off.

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **I can't believe my student's sacrificing his dignity for a day off.**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

compromise where you can, didn't you teach me that?

wait no that was peggy carter sorry.

BUT, it's not like i'm the only one getting something out of it? it's not like i wanted it right away. but like, maybe when u get back?

OKAY THOUGH, keep in mind i didn't suggest it for you but so you'll have a initiative to get the mission done.

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **Nice reference there.**

 **But—**

 **Aww, is the Decimo missing me?**

 **Don't worry your little 'tsundere' face, I'll be there soon.**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

TSUNDERE?

UM? I FEEL OFFENDED? I'M NOT A TSUNDERE?

MAYBE IT'S YOU?

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **He's even denying it!**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

ok, get this if I WAS a tsundere (WHICH I'M NOT), i'd be kicking you and shit.

have i ever kicked you ?

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **Vongola Christmas Party of 2015**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

ALL OF US, ALL VONGOLA MEMBERS, MADE A PROMISE AND AN AGREEMENT TO NOT BRING UP THE VONGOLA CHRISTMAS PARTY OF 2015.

WE ALL SIGNED A CONTRACT.

YOU'RE BREECHING THE CONTRACT.

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **Gokudera still has the pictures**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

THE LITTLE SHIT.

fuck, i though there was no copies anymore

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **He kept it for the Vongola records.**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

THAT PARTY ISN'T SUPPOOSSED TO BE IN ANY RECORD.

that was a wild night for the vongola mafiosos and the staff.

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **I still vividly remember when Hibari gave all of us a French kiss.**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

aaaaa,,,, he was a good kisser.

did i ever tell you about the one time i had a crush on kyoya.

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **No, but I don't want to hear it since I don't want to murder one of your guardians.**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

talk about protective.

wow.

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **Hey!**

 **I just-**

 **I want you for myself, okay?**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

Wow.

Um,

That's-

That's deep.

I guess. I also want you for myself? I don't know, it's my first time being in a committed relationship for so long and-?

There's still so much I don't know about you Reborn.

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **I understand.**

 **When I get back—**

 **I'll tell you everything there is to know about me.**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

is that a promise?

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **That's a promise.**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

i'll be holding you on that promise so come back safe and quickly.

well then, since we're talking—

how is your mission doing?

 **[to: useless but cute]**

 **Holy shit, Tsuna.**

 **I gotta go.**

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the world]

HOLY SHIT.

YOU'RE NOT ANSWERING ME ON PURPOSE!

* * *

there's a plot I swear.


	4. irreplaceable

a quick upd8 so i can feel vaguely productive today

also it was HARD to find a beyonce song to fit the theme. also there's a lot of new charas texting but you can guess who they are? but if you can't guess, just ask! i'll be more than happy to tell you!

* * *

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

reborn?

you're literally making me worry now

like holy shit? you're suddenly off the grid for no reason at all ? like-

it's been a week without any updates from you and we here at Vongola HQ just wants to know if you're okay?

no one, not even your handler, is getting anything ? like what the Fuck.

i mean?

i know you're not dead.

you can't be dead.

you promised you fucker. YOU PROMISED? it's bad to break a promise when you're part of the mafia you know. you taught me that.

just-

reply.

let us know you're okay and not doing injured or something

EVEN LAMBO'S WORRYING?

oh my god have you dumped me?

ok, bianchi says if you've dumped me my phone will explode please don't bomb my phone i have important shit saved here.

but, it's okay if you've dumped me.

we can still have a working and professional relationship.

i'll probably cry at night whenever we see each other though so

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

what am i saying?

you're not the type of guy to do that?

sighs

i'm worried as fuck reborn.

no one's heard from you or the famiglia you were infiltrating?

not even the former arcobalenos?

i've asked dino and theres no word from the abbaticchio famiglia? there's no word on how they're doing or what they're up to so?

please.

i don't even care about the mission anymore. i don't even care about anything anymore.

just-

reply soon.

[to: the BEST boyfriend in the whole world]

I love you, you know?

that's probably a dangerous thing.

shit, how do I delete messages FUCK.

* * *

[to: ex-kid hitman]

Frankly, I don't know ? What the hell's up with you ?

But? Tsuna's like super fucking ? worried

And thus I'm worried

And everyone's worried because I'm also worried.

And it does take much to worry the god damn vongola rain guardian?

So like,

I'd appreciate if you, you know, reply back to everyone? Especially Tsuna?

I MEAN, just reply back to Tsuna because you know how he can be.

But like, I'm worried as hell too.

It's been a week.

And kid? You don't usually just drop off the grid like that.

You don't stop updating us on your mission just like that.

You probably don't like me lecturing you but what the hell.

You won't probably reply anyways.

I'll fucking send you rain memes if you don't reply to Tsuna.

(I mean? the least u can do while on a mission is like keep us all, especially tsuna in the loop?)

* * *

[to: Tenth's lover]

Reborn, I have nothing but utmost respect for you.

Although, would it be too hard to reply to us? Vongola Intel?

Or perhaps the Tenth-? You know you're lover.

WHY THE HELL AM I TAKING A POLITE TONE?

YOU DONN'T EVEN DESERVE A POLITE TONE?

Okay, maybe you do because you're the strongest hitman, a pillar in this mafia world.

BUT?

WHAT KIND OF STRONGEST HITMAN?

strongest hitman more like a SHITTY HITMAN

Just fucking text Tenth. Even if you don't reply to us.

(actually, on another note, please reply back to us because Vongola Intel is serious about keeping track on every Vongola member we have that goes out on a mission)

(that includes you, Reborn.)

(Say that you're a freelance hitman all you want, but we all know you're an honorary Vongola member)

(After all you know about the Vongola Christmas Party of 2015 fiasco)

(dios mio, just be safe Reborn. The Tenth's worried to death and doing all his paperwork and the paperwork that he isn't supposed to do nor touch?)

* * *

[to: MEANIE REBORN]

fucc?

like what kind of Shit.

like?

is it really too hard to have like?

can't you like do anything better than u kno?

make everyone worry?

especially tsuna-nii? like shit reborn tsuna-nii is a god damn ray of sunshine (skyshine?) and like he gives me candy even if I'm not deserving so? he's literally the purest person ever how are you even dating him?

YOU KNOW HOW HE GETS WHEN HE'S WORRIED?

i'm probably gonna regret this bc you're probably not ded

but on the chance that you're ded

fuck you ? honestly?

bye?

* * *

[to: EXTREMELY STRONG KID]

YO KID.

OUR EXTREMELY BELOVED BOSS IS EXTREMELY SAD SO?

BE A MAN AND LIKE? TALK TO HIM AND APOLOGIZE?

LIKE IS THAT EXTREMELY HARD?

ALL OF US HERE ARE EXTREMELY TRYING TO DO OUR BEST?

YOU DO KNOW I STILL HAVE PICTURES FROM THE EXTREMELY WILD PARTY OF THE VONGOLA CHRISTMAS PARTY OF 2015?

THE ONE WHERE YOU AND HIBARI WERE EXTREMELY KISSING?

ALSO

LIKE BASICALLY

EVERY EXTREME SHIT YOU'VE DONE IN THE PARTY I HAVE COPIES OF SO.

(DON'T ASK WHY I STILL HAVE THEM OR HOW I HAVE THEM)

REPLY BACK TO TSUNA PLEASE.

* * *

[to: former tutor]

this isn't like you.

what are you even doing?

* * *

[to: ex but we're kinda cool so it's ok]

you know you're throwing away the best thing that happened in your life right?

don't let Tsuna be ex#6

* * *

[to: carnivore]

did they do it?

 **[to: Vongola Cloud Guardian]**

 **Yeah.**

 **I may have to go off the grid for a month if everything goes well.**

 **But if shit, then a year.**

[to: carnivore]

hn. that's what you get.

 **[to: Vongola Cloud Guardian]**

 **You know you can't tell anyone about this?**

[to: carnivore]

yeah, I know.

everyone's going to be worried.

especially Tsuna

 **[to: Vongola Cloud Guardian]**

 **Don't remind me. I didn't ask for you to be my moral compass but just my backup so I can return with less casualties and liabilities.**

 **See you in a month or a year H.**

 **Hopefully a month.**

[to: carnivore]

likewise r.

* * *

the plot thickens!

but you probably guessed what's gonna happen since you're an _amazing_ reader!


End file.
